I Will Find You...

September 14, 2008 

So I was just sitting outside on my porch, coffee, Bible in hand, enjoying the sun on my skin.

I made an iced hazelnut coffee, grabbed the essentials (phone and Bible, duh) and ventured on out.

So I was reading in Genesis - the whole Joseph fiasco - the part where his brother's come to him because of the famine, but they don't recognize him. Right away, I was like don't they recognize his eyes? Joseph knows who they are, and despite everything that his crazy brother's did to him in the past (hey guys, lets go throw him in this well and bloody his sweet jacket and make our pops believe he's been torn apart and leave him here HAHA FUNNY JOKE) he still looks at them and an overwhelming surge of love overtakes his heart. He has to leave the room once they bring his youngest brother, Benjamin to him, and have a good cry. My own eyes filled with tears thinking about the anguish he must have felt when his eyes met his younger brothers, but knew he couldn't say who he was just yet. How painful that must have been.....I woulda been like WHAT UP DAWGS!!!! It's me, your sister KG....seriously!!!! But he couldn't do it just yet. And when he finally did, the floodgates opened up. As I read I put myself there, in the room with Joseph...it was almost like I was watching a movie - I wanted to scream out loud and be like LOOK FOOLS, IT'S YOUR BROTHER....HOW CAN YOU NOT RECOGNIZE HIM! 

Good stuff.

So then, I came back inside, and my eyes caught this book sitting on my table in the living room. I picked it up and held it in my hands and a warmth spread through my entire body. I thumbed through the pages and decided I would start reading it. See, I just got this book in the mail from my lil sis. As I walked back outside, I thought to myself, "Aw, my sis held this book in her hands, read the words on every page, and wanted to share it with me, too." I re-read her note in the front, and smiled. My heart was warm at the thought that we were sharing something, yet still miles apart. I sat down and started reading, already captivated. 

This quote was on the first page:

"He saw that Fatima's eyes were filled with tears. "You're crying?" 
"I'm a woman of the desert," she said averting her eyes, "But above all, I'm a woman." - Paulo Coelho

I'm pretty sure I'm going to adore this book. (Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge)



I remember the first time I fell in love. Really fell in love. It didn't happen immediately, of course, it grew over days and months and years. I don't think I recognized it's depth at the time, but looking back on it now, I know that I was in love, with all my heart.

I fell in love with his eyes. It was pretty simple, the moment I looked into his eyes, I saw his soul. I know that sounds totally cliche, but it is the honest truth. If I close my eyes, I can remember the very moment I recognized it. I remember sitting there and thinking, as everything literally paused around me, "Wow...he is beautiful. His eyes are beautiful..." I didn't see him for the way he looked physically, I saw what was in his eyes - the beauty that was there. And I saw it even when he didn't think I did. No matter what, I held onto what I saw. I've never really believed in love at first sight. But to this day I've never forgotten his eyes and what I felt looking into them that day. It's been years....lots of years since that day....that was then. I've learned that love doesn't have an age limit. I heard people say, "You're too young to be in love." I disagree. Love is love. And what's so amazing about it is, no matter what, I know that I won't ever feel that exact same thing again - simply because every relationship is different. I know what I had, what I felt - I won't have that very same thing again with anyone. And that makes it all the more sweeter.

So in a way, my journey to find him includes searching for that ....for the gateway to the soul of the man that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I really think that I'm going to be captivated by what I see in his eyes. (PS - I'm loving the word captivated today) Maybe it's just me having wishful thinking, but God knows my heart better than I do - and I know what its going to take to get this girl - and I know I have to be captivated by his eyes.

I guess its on my list of requirements? 1. Must be captivated by his eyes = his heart and soul 2. Must love the small town girl in me 3. Will wipe tears away 4. Love unconditionally

That's all. Not much. Right? :)

Off to tackle the day....time to go do some running around, then football time. Hooray for that.

And HIGH FIVE on getting my mac back. Even though she's wiped clean, I'm still super psyched. And I did get an external HD. Check that off the list.


"I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far - I will find you."
-Nathanial to Cora in the Last of the Mohicans