and so i run…

I guess it happens to everyone who writes…this block that I can’t seem to get around.  Or maybe it’s just because I haven’t tried as hard because I’m afraid of what is going to come pouring out of this heart, out of these fingertips. 

Maybe all that it is…is me being afraid to face the things I keep hidden, all those things that I know I need to work on, all those things I KNOW I need to release.  And how sweet it will be to let them go…

Cause I know once I start writing, my heart takes over.

Even now, as I sit here trying to figure out where to start, I feel the urge to just walk away and not try to sort through it.  What a bad habit I started.

I heard a good sermon this morning, all about how we serve a giving God.  It was interesting to hear some of the pastor’s thoughts on how we tend to think of God as one who takes away - (it’s so easy to focus on the negative…) yet that isn’t the case.  We serve a God full of grace – and He gives.  He gives so that we may give and put His charity on display.  A thought I found most provoking was as the pastor was speaking to one of his colleagues about how we tend to see God as a taker, his partner said, “What is the most popular scripture in the world?”  I said aloud, “John 3:16”.  The pastor said, “God so loved the world….” and he trailed off.  His partner said, “What is next? ‘That he…’”

He gave.

Let the weight of that sink in for a moment.  So simple yet…

Flip over to Romans 8:32.  I prefer the Message version.

“If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?” (emphasis added).

Gladly and freely.  I love those 2 words in this context.  I can just imagine me asking God for something, and Him taking my face in His hands and saying, “Gladly, my child…”

Yet how often do I find myself praying for more?  Asking for more?  Asking for what I think I need or what I think I want?  What would happen if I started asking for His will again, for His armor, for His love?  Gladly…

I’ve been in such a stagnant state spiritually, and desperately want to move out of it.  I was in such a good place back in April, and then I ignored it.  I was letting God, with no fear, really do a work in me. 

Today, as I was driving, I was looking around at how beautiful the day was – the color of the trees contrasting with the baby blue of the sky, and just like that, I heard, “You worry too much, child.”

And wouldn’t you know it, the very same God who created me, who knew that I would become defensive immediately upon hearing that thought, then whispered, “I created you.  I knew you before you were in your  mother’s womb.  Why do you forget that? I made you like this so you would chase after me with those worries.”

I forgot how much I adored His abruptness, His authority to interrupt my very vain thoughts; His reminders in love.

Hebrews 11:6 says, “It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.”

He cares enough to respond.  How often I forget that I serve a giving God.  What a beautiful description of faith that is – we have to not only believe He exists, but that He cares enough to respond to us.  We can’t have one without the other.

I get it now.  I’ve been trying to have one without the other.

One more thing – before the service even started, one of the associate pastor’s had bowed his head to pray, and the first thing he did was thank God for being a “moment-making God.”

As he prayed, “Thank you for being a moment-making God, for taking any moment, any time, any place, and having the ability to turn it into something transforming…”

I let a few tears fall, unashamedly in that moment.

What a great big God we serve…